she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
