Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
