So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
