oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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