After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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