All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
