Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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