Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm passing your future prison.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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