and you said cock pushups were impossible
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
