You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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