Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
