she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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