I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
