he shaved USA in his pubs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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