I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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