so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
