I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
