I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
