my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
