D3 body, D1 cock
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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