I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
