You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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