and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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