The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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