Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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