Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
