he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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