well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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