it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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