Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
