theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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