My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
