Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
