So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
