When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
