i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
