YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you still have your period?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
