I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
