oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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