Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Of course I have a pirate flag
Two words: blizzard sex
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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