I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's always time for handjobs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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