I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
