He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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