all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
