Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
