He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Acid is not a monday night drug
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
