I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
