We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
