I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
