i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
